Our October

Oh my.  Our lives are full.  So much has changed since my last post: Andrew completed our stairway project.  Our family has been added to, taken from, and added to again by way of niece and nephew.  Margot turned one- we celebrated her a week later, after rescheduling her party three times.  And we wrapped up the month as many did, by donning costumes, trick-or-treating, and having a pizza party.
I'll illustrate most of our activities with photos, but first-- in May 2012, my sister and brother-in-law were contacted about a baby to be born in October in need of a family.  They met with the birth mom, got excited, and started planning for the arrival of their second son.  [side note: after debating between Nelson and Theodore when naming their first baby boy, and deciding on Theodore for him, their next son was destined to be Nelson.] 
Now, something you should understand about adoption is that there's always a risk.  You're opening your heart and hands to an unknown.  From genetics to the final signing of documents, there's a looming question: what will come of this?  Not to say that carrying a baby in your own womb and delivering and raising it is a sure thing, but there are definitely more mysteries involved in an adoption story. 
So when Anna and Luke decided that they would open their hearts and home to this little dude, the call of God on their lives and the exciting future He had in store for them outweighed the possibility of failure.

But ultimately that's what happened.  A failed adoption. 

My sister and her family were staying with my parents while they were here from Utah to pick up the babe.  They had Nelson for two sweet days before the lawyer contacted them, saying the birth mom had changed her mind.  The first few days that followed felt like a nightmare.  Now as we seek God for healing, answers, and direction, there are only moments of deep sorrow throughout a day, while we fight the lingering sadness that seeks to consume us.  It's hard to accept the reality that our family will never be complete.  There's a void that has Nelson's name on it.  Though our DNA is not the same, our love is deeper than blood for that kiddo.

Another beautiful fact about adoption- the choice to love someone always builds in you a deeper love than if you simply feel like loving someone.  I don't know what Shakespeare was thinking when he said it was better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, but I suppose he was getting at the fact that always having an openness to love leaves a person free.  Hm... 

We cling to the promise that what Satan intended for evil, God intends for good.

 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you.  Plans to give you a hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

  So, I'll follow that up with a gallery of October with the Toftnesses...

Niece Daphne Jo Kasper was born to my brother Isaac and sister-in-law Jessica on October 28th.  She is so beautiful- lookin' just like her mama! (Thank you, Jesus)

Dearly loved friends and family who helped us celebrate Margot, plus a look at the pretty cupcakes auntie Anna whipped up!

A very serious birthday girl after daddy helped her blow out her candle.

Oliver, Georgi, Theo, and Margot doing the most on Halloween.