New Beginnings

New post up on the Traditional Cabinetry blog.

Adolescence

The very word gives me an awkward shiver- adolescence. But I have so much of it in my life right now, I have to embrace it. Oliver turned 13 on Friday. A teenager living in my house and it's not me?! Where has the time gone?? He is a piece of individuality. And even though it's been a little tough being the mom of an adolescent boy (there are more times we don't understand each other lately, I can't just ruffle his hair to mend things...), it's been such a gift to see him grow in ways I didn't expect or didn't prod. He anticipates the needs of others, and jumps to help. He runs a trap line that I don't understand (though he did take me on the full hike in the fall). He beats me in chess in 5 minutes (okay, that's been happening since he learned 4 years ago). He loves his English class and playing piano and snowmobiling and mountain biking. He loves to make his little brother run and his sisters scream (not my favorite). But then he sits down and plays Monopoly peacefully with them for hours. He's a pretty descent kid, considering he's in the depths of puberty. Love you, Bud!

Here we have Andrew and Mini Me...they even have the same teeth. (Oliver powered through a very messy bike race and a fever in Duluth  in October.) 

Another adolescent that's part of my daily grind is Traditional Cabinetry. Andrew started this company 13 years ago in January. At that time he had a business partner (not me) and a vague idea of what to do with his God-given passion for creativity and craftsmanship. A few years in, he bought out his business partner, and has been through a few transitions with employees and vision. He now has a business partner again as of last Monday (me), a team of 3 rock star employees, and the same dream to be a creatively fine craftsman. There have been actual growing pains during these maturing years of TC, as we question who we are as a company, and what our purpose is in this world. Sounds dramatic, but we're trying to embrace the awkward and listen to the promptings God has for us. Andrew and I are so excited to be working together and seeking to fulfill our calling as small business owners during an extraordinary time of cabinetry design, with companies like deVOL and Plain English Kitchens and designers like Emily Henderson and Jean Stoffer Design inspiring our work.

Here's to growing through discomfort and believing the matured version of ourselves will be all that we've dreamed of and more!

Dreams

My book club just finished Little Women, and while discussing this beloved classic, we were asked to share our 'castles in the air' (aka dreams). As I considered it, I realized I've been doing the same dreaming since I was little- trying to make spaces more beautiful, either physically or mentally rearrange a room/shelf/table to look its best, recognizing complementary colors and patterns and textures. I can't help it! My mother gave me the liberty to do what I wanted in my little bedroom with the orange carpet and peach walls. I was probably 6 years old, and I remember arranging tiny plastic Precious Moments on a shelf, pinning things to the aforementioned walls. I didn't realize not every 6 year old person was doing this. As I got older, my design became a little more sophisticated- antique books instead of plastic figurines, yellow walls instead of peach (okay, maybe sophisticated wasn't the right adjective for lemon yellow walls...).

With MLK Day on my mind, I want values and long-term vision to guide my dreams. I believe God, the One who created me as I am on purpose and for a purpose, has put things in me and allowed certain things to excite my thoughts more than others. The other day I talked with the sweet  mother of a friend, who told me about my friend's calling to be a writer. Even when this author is critiqued to tears and asked to re-write things that she had truly felt so deeply, she presses on. Her mom asked how she could possibly continue after such exhausting correction. My friend's reply was beautiful. "Because I have to. I can't not write."

I've been dabbling in interior design even as I home school, but have felt like I can't give either job my full attention. I'm really looking forward to focused time with work during the day, and focused time with the kids after school. But seriously, this is going to be an astronomical (and good) change for us. I was home schooled myself, so it's what's familiar and safe for my inmost person and for the most part I've loved these years. But I'm so excited to see how we're able to grow through this season of uncharted territory- coming together at the end of the day to see how everyone's doing, rather than wishing we didn't know quite so intimately about every feeling of every person all day long.

Going back to my friend's statement- what is it you HAVE TO DO or you'll burst? Is it teaching? Is it cooking or baking? Painting or making music? Is it writing? Is it crunching numbers? Is it wardrobe styling? Is it running or swimming or biking? Is it caring for someone's medical needs? Think of what it is that your heart soars while doing-- and find a way to make more room for it in your life. Because there are people who God wants you to bless, and ways he wants others to be a blessing to you that can only happen if you're walking in the path he laid out for you. That's what I think anyway...I'm trying it, I'll let you know how it goes!

Happy first day of public school to these nerds!

You've Got This

These girls are so excited to start school! (this picture is like 2 years old and I love it so much)

You're wondering what I'll do until the baby comes in April (besides eat) now that the children are off to school? I'm beginning a career at Traditional Cabinetry! I'll be office manager/social media/PR/sander/taper person. Andrew and I have dreamed of working together, and have collaborated on some of our favorite projects (if you follow me on Instagram you've seen our most recent feat, alongside the lovely Megan Garry). We're greatly inspired by Chip and Jo who built an empire out of creativity and guts. While we're not looking to build an empire, we are hoping to draw out more beauty in this broken world via creating and setting our sights high together. Our enthusiasm builds and our dreams grow as we share and hope and stay up late talking. I've never had the dream of being an office manager (not even totally sure what it means), but let's talk more about dreams next time. This post is more about the NEED for me to come alongside Andrew.

So- assisting Andrew is one reason we've decided to take this huge leap that feels like jumping from Australia to Alaska. Andrew started TC 13 years ago (the very month Oliver was born), and as the business grows, he has continued to be alpha and omega- beginning and end. We couldn't do anything without our employees who are amazing, talented people, keeping the blades spinning and the nails nailing, and everything in between. Meanwhile Andrew is trying to set up jobs and complete jobs. He's in the office and in the spray booth within minutes of each other never quite feeling like he completed a task, like butter spread over too much bread. So I'll swoop in to save the day- obviously my office skillz and general wizardry will relieve so much stress. Winston will be the jester, entertaining us as we go, hopefully learning to read and do fractions (jokes).

And I know you want it-- Feelings Update--
The other night, after we had had a lovely tour of the girls' school and meeting of teachers and classmates, I was lying awake in a panic over what would happen to my children at school when I wasn't there (how cunning of the devil to reverse all reassurance I had felt earlier). But the Lord spoke to my heart so clearly.

"Do you think you can do a better job of protecting them than I can?" 

Here come the waterworks AGAIN. Right, God. You've got this.

Making change

"For everything there is a season.." 

[Old photo, new adventure]

This season I've meditated a lot on Mary's life and calling, considering our similarities at Christmas- being pregnant and doing a lot of traveling (no full-term donkey rides for me...). It was the waiting with eager expectation that made me think of her, accompanied by the human tendency to fear the unknown. And then my thoughts turned to Jesus and how this eagerness and fear gives me a better insight into his coming to earth. In pregnancy there's an umbrella of impending pain that's always in my peripheral. I can usually focus on other things acutely enough that I don't see it..but when I lose focus, there's the umbrella...the thought of labor, delivery, and the aftermath of those things. There are thoughts of sleepless nights and the possibility of postpartum depression. There's the fear of something happening to this precious little helpless person. When Jesus came to earth, his umbrella of impending pain was unfathomable. At first glance, knowing that he came as a sacrifice for our insufficiency, it seems like his death would be the beauty of his coming. But the journey itself was beautiful, with redemption coming to some even before the cross. He taught and loved and forgave and healed, all the while knowing what the future held. Jesus was able to be in the moment, with the people he loved. There was pain and sorrow along the way, but that didn't prevent him from meaningful relationships or joy-filled reunions or hilarious analogies.

I was so moved by this quote the other day:

"Joy and sadness can walk hand in hand, one doesn't need to bow to the other." Annie F. Downs

I love Minnesota. The distinct four seasons and the unpredictability within those seasons (the identity crisis when spring thinks it's winter...or summer thinks it's winter) are such a delight. So why is it so difficult for me to accept that life also has seasons? We're coming to the end of our home school journey- the 3 oldest start public school January 27th, Winnie will finish out kindergarten at home- and I have cried more tears over this decision than probably anything. We Toftnesses typically roll with change, rather than making change. Sure, we have lofty ideas of adventure and the hunger to shake things up...but we always end up choosing the familiar over the unknown. When we decided to choose this public school adventure, a myriad of emotions came in a flood. I felt like I was walking through a mental deluge for weeks. But through a lot of learning and praying and seeking, the co-mingled emotions are becoming less intimidating. I can be grateful for our experience with the extraordinary families we've grown close to through our co-op, and yet mourn the passing of this chapter. I can be happy for what's to come, and sad for what's being left behind. These last few weeks were like the gestation of the idea- I stared hard at the impending umbrella of labor...when I actually drop my kids off at school and say goodbye for the day. I've been home with a child or children since Oliver was born 1.31.07...like literally HOME WITH THEM. And yet, because of the Advent meditation God pressed on my heart, I can look at Mary, Joseph, Jesus, other saints, and know that joy and sadness can work together to draw me closer to Him. Can you even imagine the emotional roller coaster that Mary went through knowing she was carrying the Messiah and raising him to let him go? Or the human part of Jesus that didn't want the pain that was guaranteed if he was going to fulfill his calling? My current umbrella is made of gold compared to the shadow that they were under and the daunting tasks that such a great cloud of witnesses were asked to be active in. What's your umbrella?


P.S. There are many factors that went into this life-style change. If you're interested in all the reasons, stick around. I *might* write a post about it. ;)

I have some news...

Friends! It's only been a minute since my last post (jokes). I've not been sharing life on this platform, and I miss it. Just add 1 year, 10 months of life growing and happening and shaping since the last time Moxie got attention, and that's where everyone is. I've been growing older along with the children, which makes me even more shocked, scared, humored that I'M HAVING A BABY!!!!! It's like the craziest. Heading into the second trimester this week, still having flashes of what-the-heck-is-God-thinking blink across my brain... No, this wasn't planned (I would've wondered if I were you, too). Let me clarify: this wasn't planned by us. This life has been on history's timeline since the foundation of the world, and that's what stops my sad/sorry tears...and opens the floodgates of gratitude. I should explain the sad/sorry. My collection of 4 children has finally hit a sweet spot. They can pretty much take care of themselves. Oliver can boil the water and make the mac n cheese. They can all unload the dishwasher and use the bathroom and make their beds and ride their bikes and brush their teeth and feed the cats and dress themselves. Most can read and play the piano too. There are parts of my job as a parent that I had retired from. Prematurely *palm to forehead*. Also, we have a small house with 3 small bedrooms, and we've done the math perfectly so that each bedroom has two people. Where are we going to put a baby and all the gear that comes with it?! These are the things that stunt my enthusiasm...but they're all nothing compared to the promise of new life. So here we go, jumping back in with both feet, preparing to welcome another tiny person into this tiny house.

I've been meaning to share these pictures since my friend Margaret took them, and now that they're going to be outdated, I have to swoosh them into the world.

(That's the face I made when I saw two lines on the pregnancy test.)

Excitedly awaiting the Great Bambino, due 4/27/20.

Kids' Bathroom

Oh guys. The post-holiday feels around here are real. Like 90% of the people are suffering from or recovering from influenza. We're talking fever, cough, chills, sore throat, headache, nose running away to join the circus... I had Marg in for her 6 year well child and vaccinations in October, so we both had the flu shot then- she got a touch of this bug right after Christmas, I haven't had even a sniffle. But for the rest! Let my immunization procrastination teach you a lesson... EVERYONE! GO GET YOUR FLU SHOT NOW or you'll be pathetic and shivering for a week at least, like my family who I love.

I also love this bathroom. Why? Because my Andrew built it with his own two hands..and some wood and nails and other such boring nonsense. When we bought the house it only had a dormer on one side (where Oliver and Winston's bedroom is now), so adding another created space for a hallway (leading to the west bedroom), and a bathroom. Our house was a kit house bought straight out of Sears and Roebuck in the early 1920's, so there were a few missing modern amenities, like bedrooms with doors or closets. There was a plumbed toilet on the basement landing though, so that's extra...?

[Disclaimers: Some of the pictures you're about to see are so dreadful. I mean like the grainiest, messiest bit of pixels you'll see in these modern times. If this blog has a future at all, I'll need an honest to goodness camera STAT. Megan used her professionalism to capture (professional term) the girls' bedroom, and it was so good! But she has a day job and I love her too much to ask her to take a personal day from her speech therapist job to come during the perfect light and make my bathroom look like a million bucks.
Also, if you haven't noticed before, you'll absolutely see now, that our walls are textured- gasp! I agree that smooth walls are prettiest! But texture is more practical. And costs less. I'm giving you all permission to follow my 1990's style, and texture your walls..and paint them 'forest green'. You may not, however, under any circumstances, popcorn your ceilings. That's dead like dinosaurs.]

Andrew's parents revived a tumbled down lake cabin a few years ago, and gave us the old kitchen sink that we were able to incorporate into the vanity. The cabinetry design was based on a dresser-turned-vanity that I saw in an ages old Country Home magazine. We used wood- pine I think- from the feed boxes in our former barn. I don't remember where I got that little stool, but isn't she the cutest? 

The tiled top (which also sounds 90's when I think about it...), is a beautiful shiny onyx that was very cost effective from Home Depot. They're 1/2" squares, with a mesh backing binding them in 1' patches. We should also talk about that beautiful mirror I designed for Andrew to build. I had been looking at antique buffet mirrors ( I didn't want something so plain that it looked like I just tipped a vertical mirror sideways) but everything was too tall. So I went with the rounded top corners and dark brown stain on oak, and I think it looks so sharp! Andrew is so good at making my blurry visions a reality.

About that painting hanging on the linen cabinet- Oliver and co. did it for Winston before he was born, right after we found out he was a boy. And there's my Kasper Wireworks basket being a prop. Right now there's a neglected plant that I water when it looks dead, and it comes back to life. The sconces (also by the girls' beds) are slightly old-fashioned...and a bargain. I honestly think they were $10 ish at Fleet Farm. I chose these lights several years ago when we were doing all of the picking, and I'm glad about them. Even though sconce lights are having a time in the spotlight (pun) right now, they're all so beautiful I know it would take me a year to decide, and even then I'd second guess myself. Cheers to cheep lights.

You guys. I'm sad this photo isn't conveying the beautiful colors and finish of this little piece. The prayer is so simple, yet profound when you think of what it implies..and since my iPhotography lacks clarity...

'Morning Grace'
Dear Lord, watch over us throughout the day,
Be with us and guide us in work and in play
And in all that we do and all that we say,
May we show You our love in our own little way.

Oh golly. This is supposed to be a picture of the shade from Country Curtains. I wanted a tidy, cordless shade that wasn't just one of those zingy ones (that's what they're called, right?). Anyway, please get the idea without being disgusted by the under-quality.

Cutest cat hook, a gift from my sister.

Clock and 'I Could Pee on This' cat book both from Target. Everything else was garage sales or thrift stores. Except that mouse, which Oliver broke when he was a toddler when we were at Christmas Point once. Yes I said Christmas Point and toddler. Shame on me.

Totally didn't notice that roll of TP on the back of the toilet. 

The summer view out the second story window. Imagine everything green being either white or gray, and that's the view today.

And that's the kids' bathroom, folks! A big thanks to my Anj who is extraordinarily talented.